It's been a couple of months since I cannot sleep on time, and yet my mind cannot concentrate because I think about her. I always ask myself these: what should I do in order to get away of this feeling? Six months is a murder for me, I can’t sleep, cant eat and talk much, hot headed etc .
Falling in love is the hardest feeling I have ever felt since It's my first time to be in love and I am thankful for that we don’t get well, For some reason I feel I’m not worthy enough for her, I’m a NEET and the one that was courting her is a nursing student studying in a prestige school, elegant looking rich kid for short.
She should be fine now having him as her bf since the day we did not get well. Nowadays I’m just focus on writing fiction stories, updating this blog and going to wait for college day in order to study. Just like my friend said to me There many are fishes in the sea.
-pjk
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Monday, March 15, 2010
almost a love story
Disclaimer: Any resemblance of original characters to any real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
I met her online. About seven months ago, As I can recall. The fireworks debri were still noticeable on the streets and my ears can clearly recall the deafning sound of fireworks.
It was my usual nighttime schedule. Reading fanfics, Writing some stories and checking my fb. There was a group that caught my attention and leads to joining them.
"Love online" a fb group that finds your online love,
"love online? nonsense" I said to myself.
Annoyed with my notification, I can see the number of it increasing like there's no stopping, Every minute there's one two.. and just out of temper, I clicked on the group's wall and there I can see, Age, sex, location posted on the group's wall.
17, female, Las Pinas posted on the group's wall. It caught my attention, For I am a residence of Las Pinas.
"What's your name? "Smiling I am as I asked.
"Marie" She replied.
"Marie? Is that your name? It sounds like Marie's biscuit ". lol'ed
"I don't care if my name sound like that, And you are? " Angrily She asks.
"Jeo"
Like any other chat, We continue until I hear a crowing rooster as I try to finish the conversation with:
Where do you use internet? *Shocked* for I know the shop she said.
"Do you want a ride?" I don't know why did my hand typed that.
No, I don't want. She replied
But what if- come on I'm not a type of "that" guy. I insists.
Please come on, I thought to myself.
I have my companion here so don't worry about me, She said.
"Okay, well then until next time Marie keep safe"
After that every night, I was in my room from nine to two in the morning, I was with this woman behind the monitor, laughing, her charisma couldn't be resist. We fought mafia's together, we plant, plow and harvest crops together and we buy each of us together.
It come to a point that I wanted to be her boyfriend online not to mention my real intention was to be her boyfriend irl. I asked her playfully if she could be my girlfriend online with no hesitation she replied me with a yes.
We'd been couple in fb games for a while, give or take a month, when I asked if I could call.
I always say that "There's no harm in calling" and besides I want to hear the voice of my "Girlfriend," I joked.
She smiled and fingered the "o", "k", "a" and "y" keys on the monitor before she punched them in. She gave her landline number and her cellphone number.
"Don't give people you meet online your number,"She said she heard somewhere. But, ah, what is the harm in calling?
So I call everytime she got home from the shop. We talked from two in the morning until one of us couldn't keep our eyes open. She sang "Sway" to me, the first time I have heard to be sung by a girl. She told me about her niece, Abie, and I told him about my pet our house rat, I joked and laughed. We talked and we talked and we talked some more, the sun became the mothers that tucked us into bed, her yellow rays the fingers that hugged us and kissed us before our eyes sealed for sleep.
When I asked her if she would like us to meet, She said yes. I wanted to know her, and I know I was already a friend, if not more.
We met in the internet cafe. I shook her hand, she was smaller than his pictures showed. She's been my online companion for six months now. We played beside each other in that cafe, and I had make her laugh by messing up her hand, moving her mouse around, whenever she was planting crops in farmville. I would hold her hand and everytime I did that, and I knew that our circuitry was stirring with sparks.
"Is there something you want to tell me, my knight?" curiously she asks.
"Nothing, apparently" I said.
We met in that cafe for two weeks, every summer day, ctrl-click, right-click, until people thought us a couple. She didn't mind.
It was three weeks ago from today that I asked her out to dinner, I added that we could keep fb games out for the night, and spend our time together eating, hanging out, walking. I took her hand and led her out of the cafe.
I took her to a restaurant near Starbucks. I ordered chicken, she ordered fish. We traded our orders halfway through the meal, and there was no awkwardness.
when I said, "I love you."
She stared at me about a minute, I was unsure, and I wanted to know if it was ok, But I wasn't sure.
My mouth just opened and said "Do you love me too?" .
She looked at me, in the dim light of the restaurant, the clatter of dinnerware a soothing rhythm in the background. "Yes," she pause for seconds then her lips was unable to hold the truth back, "I love you too."
We were kissing in my car three days later, the backseat, in the parking lot of the restaurant. It was almost midnight. Her lips soft, her kisses delicate. "This is as far as I'll go," She said. "I refuse to be broken," she added.
I slithered forward to the driver's seat, and she lied down in the back. I plugged a cd in, and the immutable guitar intro of "sway" came out. She joined Bic with the chorus:
Say you'll stay
Don't come and go
Like you do
Sway my way
Yeah I need to know
All about you
I'll drive her nowhere else but to her home. She finally closed her eyes, and I drove, she was sleeping to Bic Runga voice.
I woke her up - she sat on the seat and fixed her hair.
She told me it was her house, no one's home..." in that instant my mind was really pleasant, almost filled with happiness as I stare in her eyes when she continued... "except with her boyfriend..."
Disappointed, but yet, I smiled at her, told her, I really shouldn't. It's kind of late. And besides you didn't told me that you already have boyfriend I added.
Silence filled the air, I don't know what to feel, what to say except the words that could make or break everything but I know I have to do the right thing. "Goodbye Marie..." I said.
I when I was going to open the door of my car, I felt sudden hurt on my backhead like my vision turned to red. I can't feel my ears and mouth it was like having rupture. Kneeling on the road covered with my blood then Lying, half dead I heard her voice screaming for help.
"I'm sorry, Jeo, I love you" then she cried. I heard her voice asking for my forgiveness, and she hugged me, but I was numb to her touch.
Single tear edged from the corner of my eye, traveled down my cold face that tear carried in it for my loved one, but who cares right? Let me lie there, dead.
-pjk
I met her online. About seven months ago, As I can recall. The fireworks debri were still noticeable on the streets and my ears can clearly recall the deafning sound of fireworks.
It was my usual nighttime schedule. Reading fanfics, Writing some stories and checking my fb. There was a group that caught my attention and leads to joining them.
"Love online" a fb group that finds your online love,
"love online? nonsense" I said to myself.
Annoyed with my notification, I can see the number of it increasing like there's no stopping, Every minute there's one two.. and just out of temper, I clicked on the group's wall and there I can see, Age, sex, location posted on the group's wall.
17, female, Las Pinas posted on the group's wall. It caught my attention, For I am a residence of Las Pinas.
"What's your name? "Smiling I am as I asked.
"Marie" She replied.
"Marie? Is that your name? It sounds like Marie's biscuit ". lol'ed
"I don't care if my name sound like that, And you are? " Angrily She asks.
"Jeo"
Like any other chat, We continue until I hear a crowing rooster as I try to finish the conversation with:
Where do you use internet? *Shocked* for I know the shop she said.
"Do you want a ride?" I don't know why did my hand typed that.
No, I don't want. She replied
But what if- come on I'm not a type of "that" guy. I insists.
Please come on, I thought to myself.
I have my companion here so don't worry about me, She said.
"Okay, well then until next time Marie keep safe"
After that every night, I was in my room from nine to two in the morning, I was with this woman behind the monitor, laughing, her charisma couldn't be resist. We fought mafia's together, we plant, plow and harvest crops together and we buy each of us together.
It come to a point that I wanted to be her boyfriend online not to mention my real intention was to be her boyfriend irl. I asked her playfully if she could be my girlfriend online with no hesitation she replied me with a yes.
We'd been couple in fb games for a while, give or take a month, when I asked if I could call.
I always say that "There's no harm in calling" and besides I want to hear the voice of my "Girlfriend," I joked.
She smiled and fingered the "o", "k", "a" and "y" keys on the monitor before she punched them in. She gave her landline number and her cellphone number.
"Don't give people you meet online your number,"She said she heard somewhere. But, ah, what is the harm in calling?
So I call everytime she got home from the shop. We talked from two in the morning until one of us couldn't keep our eyes open. She sang "Sway" to me, the first time I have heard to be sung by a girl. She told me about her niece, Abie, and I told him about my pet our house rat, I joked and laughed. We talked and we talked and we talked some more, the sun became the mothers that tucked us into bed, her yellow rays the fingers that hugged us and kissed us before our eyes sealed for sleep.
When I asked her if she would like us to meet, She said yes. I wanted to know her, and I know I was already a friend, if not more.
We met in the internet cafe. I shook her hand, she was smaller than his pictures showed. She's been my online companion for six months now. We played beside each other in that cafe, and I had make her laugh by messing up her hand, moving her mouse around, whenever she was planting crops in farmville. I would hold her hand and everytime I did that, and I knew that our circuitry was stirring with sparks.
"Is there something you want to tell me, my knight?" curiously she asks.
"Nothing, apparently" I said.
We met in that cafe for two weeks, every summer day, ctrl-click, right-click, until people thought us a couple. She didn't mind.
It was three weeks ago from today that I asked her out to dinner, I added that we could keep fb games out for the night, and spend our time together eating, hanging out, walking. I took her hand and led her out of the cafe.
I took her to a restaurant near Starbucks. I ordered chicken, she ordered fish. We traded our orders halfway through the meal, and there was no awkwardness.
when I said, "I love you."
She stared at me about a minute, I was unsure, and I wanted to know if it was ok, But I wasn't sure.
My mouth just opened and said "Do you love me too?" .
She looked at me, in the dim light of the restaurant, the clatter of dinnerware a soothing rhythm in the background. "Yes," she pause for seconds then her lips was unable to hold the truth back, "I love you too."
We were kissing in my car three days later, the backseat, in the parking lot of the restaurant. It was almost midnight. Her lips soft, her kisses delicate. "This is as far as I'll go," She said. "I refuse to be broken," she added.
I slithered forward to the driver's seat, and she lied down in the back. I plugged a cd in, and the immutable guitar intro of "sway" came out. She joined Bic with the chorus:
Say you'll stay
Don't come and go
Like you do
Sway my way
Yeah I need to know
All about you
I'll drive her nowhere else but to her home. She finally closed her eyes, and I drove, she was sleeping to Bic Runga voice.
I woke her up - she sat on the seat and fixed her hair.
She told me it was her house, no one's home..." in that instant my mind was really pleasant, almost filled with happiness as I stare in her eyes when she continued... "except with her boyfriend..."
Disappointed, but yet, I smiled at her, told her, I really shouldn't. It's kind of late. And besides you didn't told me that you already have boyfriend I added.
Silence filled the air, I don't know what to feel, what to say except the words that could make or break everything but I know I have to do the right thing. "Goodbye Marie..." I said.
I when I was going to open the door of my car, I felt sudden hurt on my backhead like my vision turned to red. I can't feel my ears and mouth it was like having rupture. Kneeling on the road covered with my blood then Lying, half dead I heard her voice screaming for help.
"I'm sorry, Jeo, I love you" then she cried. I heard her voice asking for my forgiveness, and she hugged me, but I was numb to her touch.
Single tear edged from the corner of my eye, traveled down my cold face that tear carried in it for my loved one, but who cares right? Let me lie there, dead.
-pjk
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